How to Be a Better Partner in a Long Marriage

Sometimes, we're quick to look down on our spouse because they did this or that.

Both of us tend to nitpick each other's actions. What we fail to do is consider our contributions to the conflict.

Assigning blame solely on one party is a lot easier than confronting our own behaviour and recognising that we're part of the problem.

However, as we grow, we understand better that a healthy relationship is a partnership of equals where each influences the other in myriad ways.

Eight years of marriage taught us that our choices of words and tone of voice could negatively affect our partner's emotions and trigger cynical responses. This creates a cycle of frustration and misunderstanding.

Knowing this cause-and-response dynamic, we acknowledge the power of our actions in shaping our interactions and ultimately, our intimate relationship.

So, how to be a better partner knowing these things?

Introspect

We need to be open to the possibility we're not always right.

We have to be humble enough to ask, "Is my spouse triggered by something I've done? What might have I done that caused them to act this way? Have I offended them? Am I being unreasonable or unfair?"

This self-reflection allows us to have a deep understanding of our own impact on the romantic relationship.

It also reminds us of the mutual responsibility inherent in healthy relationships and how the complexities of a quality relationship often lie in the interaction between two people.

More importantly, introspection grants us the self-awareness we need to stop critiquing our romantic partner and creating unnecessary tension in the marriage.

Communicate

Open and honest communication is essential in a healthy relationship and the best way to resolve conflicts.

A constructive and honest conversation with each other can pave the way to greater understanding.

However, let's remember it's not a one-way street. We need to open our ears and hearts, and be receptive to the other person’s perspective.

Empathise

A healthy relationship can go a long way with empathy.

To be a good partner, we have to be intentional about understanding our spouse's points of view.

Remember, everyone's navigating their own journey of self-discovery. Keeping that in mind will allow us to empathise with what our partner might be thinking and going through, instead of criticising them.

The Bottomline

Maturity involves acknowledging our role in the dynamics of the romantic relationship, which is us being part of the problem.

As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango.”

Instead of being quick to point fingers, we need to keep an open mind and think carefully before saying something, reacting, or doing things we might regret in the end.

It's not easy all the time, but it's a lifelong journey toward greater self-awareness and humility that's worth taking hand in hand with a good partner.

If you've been married for some time now, what has personal growth been like for you? How do you think can one become a better partner in long-term romantic relationships?

Feel free to leave a comment below to share your thoughts!

Discover what else we've learned in our eight years of marriage by reading here.

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