Women at Work and Home: The Struggle of Modern Women
“The modern woman is expected to do so much, which is exhausting.”
Anna remarked casually, a sentiment that initially puzzled Gabes.
But now that we have Jere, our son, Gabes has only started to appreciate the sentiment of Anna’s point of view.
Anna juggles two full-time jobs: one as a professional and one as a nurturing mother.
And, of course, Gabes also wears two full-time hats as a professional and a father.
Parents like us are expected to excel in both roles, but the pressure is often more significant for most women, as experienced by Anna and supported by research.
Women at Home
Behind Anna’s responsibilities at home is what research calls the “hidden load”.
Gabes is a very active, present, and supportive husband and father.
But there are plenty of concerns often unique to Anna as a woman and mother that Gabes may not always be aware of as quickly.
Even though we intentionally support each other and make sure we both contribute somewhat fairly to our relationship, there are hidden forms of care that usually end up on Anna’s plate.
Scheduling our son’s check-ups, worrying about his meals, thinking about what he does at nursery, cleaning the house–– these are only a few hidden labours that Anna carries as a woman and natural caregiver.
US Department of Labor data shows that even when husbands say they split housework evenly with their wives, they actually do not.
According to research by Allison Daminger, a doctoral candidate in sociology and social policy at Harvard University in 2019, this unseen labour at home has four stages: anticipating needs, identifying options, choosing among the options, and monitoring the results.
And unsurprisingly, mothers appear to do more in all four stages.
Anna does much of the anticipation, planning, and fulfilment of the tasks at home, not because Gabes is inadequate but because it comes naturally to her.
The study also noted that women being held to higher social standards feeds into this unequal distribution of household work between couples.
A 2019 research entitled “Good Housekeeping, Great Expectations: Gender and Housework Norms” tried to unveil why women do more household chores. It was discovered that women are judged more harshly and negatively regarding cleanliness. If a house is occupied by a heterosexual couple where both partners are working full-time, society expects the female partner to do the cleaning.
Key findings of a 2018 study revealed that there’s even more pressure for married mothers to do more housework than single mothers.
“One possibility is what people believe is expected of them to be a good wife and partner is still really strong, and you’re held to those standards when you’re living with someone,” explained one of the writers of the paper and a University of Maryland sociologist, Joanna Pepin.
Since these expectations and standards have been ingrained in society for a long time, many women have internalised them.
So, women tend to worry more about the concerns of their household and the upkeep of their family, down to the tiniest details, to meet social standards.
Women at Work
The household is just one aspect of the struggle modern women face.
In the 21st century, their place is no longer just at home.
“We’ve had to make choices between our families, our caretaking responsibilities, and our work. ”
Many wives and mothers like Anna are pursuing career advancement.
Equality laws in the 20th century opened more and better career opportunities for many women.
Between 1971 and 2021, the rate of women aged 16 to 64 working rose from 52% to 72%.
In 2017, the UK’s rate of employed women aged 25 to 54 reached a record high of 78%.
A 2020 Hampton-Alexander report's key findings show that between 2019 and 2020, the number of women leaders holding FTSE 100 board positions rose from 32.4% to 36.2%. These senior leadership positions mean a lot for women and their struggles in the workplace.
Women had to fight long and hard for their space in the workplace and earn the same respect people have always had for their male counterparts.
Despite existing gender equality laws, plenty of gender and racial inequalities are still at play at work and affect women's workplace experiences.
Given the history and the inequalities many women still experience today, it makes sense that old and young women of today are very protective of their careers.
Despite women’s and mother's obstacles, they continue working after having kids, even if their husbands work full-time or have stable jobs. Although it’s a practical choice in today’s economy, the rewards for old and young women are more than just about financial stability.
Women desire to actualise themselves and make significant contributions to society
The Ultimate Struggle Modern Women Face
“We’ve had to make choices between our families, our caretaking responsibilities, and our work,” shared LaFawn Davis, Indeed Group Vice President of Environmental, Social, and Governance.
According to a My Perfect Resume study, 43% of working mothers said they cannot give 100% at work because of the difficulties in balancing work life and parenting.
Timing of Parenthood
Modern women in the workplace are navigating full-time careers. So, the decision to start a family requires careful consideration.
Balancing the desire to prioritise career advancement and the biological realities of fertility presents a complex dilemma.
Today, as young women in the workplace thrive, there's societal pressure to delay parenthood in favour of career development.
Yet the biological clock looms, adding more pressure.
We, like many women and their partners, strategise to synchronise career milestones with family planning to mitigate this conflict.
We're blessed we achieved career stability and financial comfort before we became parents. But having reflected on the joy our son brought us since he came into our lives, a part of us wishes we started a family even sooner.
Risks of Burnout
A Visier study showed that 70% of mums with full-time jobs do most of the caregiving at home. So, the risks of burnout are significantly greater.
In fact, a McKinsey study discovered that more women than men reported experiencing exhaustion and burnout.
Intuitive Caregiving
Anna's ability to anticipate Jere's needs demonstrates a level of intuitive caregiving that often falls more heavily on mums.
Despite attempts to systemize childcare tasks, the instinctual nature of Anna's caregiving prevails, highlighting the complexity of parenting dynamics. This makes balancing work and family life harder.
Double Standard
Women are often held to higher standards when it comes to domestic duties.
Despite both heterosexual partners working full-time, deeply entrenched gender stereotypes expect women to bear the primary responsibility for childcare, and maintaining a clean and orderly home.
The outdated thinking and notions of gender roles can place an undue burden on women, hindering women's advancement professionally and personally.
Disempowering Biases
Working mums have to deal with “maternal bias” constantly. It’s a conscious or unconscious belief that pregnant women and mums are less competent and less effective at work than other colleagues since they have a lot on their plate.
Key findings of a University of Michigan study noted that women aren’t expected to excel in their workplace and home roles. With outdated thinking, people tend to question whether or not a mother is fulfilling her duties as a mum if she's a successful career woman. If she’s great at parenting, people could assume she’s not doing a great job at work.
Aside from undermining women’s abilities to balance personal and professional lives, this bias can also affect their mental health.
Many women may, consciously or not, question whether they are fulfilling their responsibilities well as mums and professionals. So, women in the workplace and at home may overcompensate and do more at the expense of their well-being.
Career Impact
Anna, an Account Director, grapples with the perceived seniority of her role. So, she felt hesitant to take time off for maternity leave when we had Jere.
Gabes had to advocate for Anna to take full maternity leave, highlighting the internal struggle many women in the workplace face.
Lack of Self-Care
An article published on ParentCircle noted that one of the biggest challenges of working mothers is the elusiveness of “me time”.
They prioritise themselves the least since most of their time and energy is spent working, doing housework, and looking after their kids.
Yet a Barna survey showed that working mothers highly desire self-care. 30% of respondents believe a better work-life balance is possible if they have more quiet time.
So, it’s clear that working mums understand their needs, desires, and the importance of self-care. However, they deal with many responsibilities and expectations that can often be overwhelming and take over their lives so that they can neglect their well-being.
The Bottomline
Working mums do a lot to ensure the household runs smoothly and they perform well in the workplace. They can be good in both the hats they wear.
But that comes with a significant burden because balancing work and home life is a constant challenge.
Working mothers need all the support they can get from their families and communities, especially their partners, to overcome the struggle.
Stay tuned to catch our next blog, where we’ll tackle how husbands can be more supportive of their wives as they strike a healthy work-life balance.
For all working mums out there, what are the everyday challenges you encounter? How do you deal with them? What helps you balance your work and family life? We’d love to hear from you, so feel free to leave a comment below!
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