Top Money-Related Issues That Lead to Divorce: Conflicting Perspectives on Money

One of the most common sources of conflict in marriages is opposing views on money.

Every individual has a unique approach to spending and managing money, often dictated by our money language. 

Our upbringing, the values we were taught, and the environment we grew up in greatly shaped our money language.

Financial psychologist Dr Kenneth Doyle identified four main money language profiles: The Driver, The Analytic, The Amiable, and The Expressive.

The Driver perceives money as a measure of success. People with this profile feel competent and secure when they have money. They may use it to express love by providing for others. The downside is that they may struggle with materialism and self-esteem issues tied to wealth.

Analytics view money as a source of security. They are diligent budgeters and planners, prioritising financial stability for themselves and their loved ones. However, their strict approach to money management can sometimes lead to overlooking the emotional needs of others.

For Amiables, money is about relationships and expressing love. They are generous but may struggle with financial planning and management, prioritising emotional connections over financial stability.

The Expressive uses money to gain acceptance and admiration. People with this money language may overspend to seek validation and hide emotional insecurities. While they can solve problems with money, they risk dependency and neglecting deeper issues.

According to a 2017 study by Ramsay Solutions, arguments between spouses about spending money, managing money, and household finances were typically longer and more intense than other arguments.

These arguments could stem from not having a full picture and understanding of each other’s money language profile. 

We believe the best way to prevent these conflicts from escalating unnecessarily in a marriage is to communicate well to try and understand your differences before marriage, and keep having conversations about money after marriage as views may evolve.

Gabes’ money language is a combination of The Driver and The Analytic. He associates money with success and security. He’s very interested in building a good future for our family and joy in doing so.

Meanwhile, Anna is The Amiable. She loves spending resources on people, bringing people together, and looking after them.

Keeping each other’s money language in mind, we find ways to complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We try not to stifle, making it out like one way is better than the other.

We embrace each other’s differences, especially when it comes to money. This makes it easy for us to work harmoniously and develop a balanced financial strategy that works for us.

Financial compatibility is crucial for a successful union.

If you and your partner are considering getting married, consider having pre-marriage financial counselling. It could be with a certified public accountant or licensed financial advisor.

Baltimore City Community College Chief Financial Officer Calvin Harris, Jr. advised, "Couples should also talk to someone for pre-marriage financial counselling."

Harris, Jr. implied that a piece of advice from an impartial expert would benefit marital success.

The Bottomline

Acknowledging and respecting differing money perspectives are vital for marital harmony.

Open communication, mutual acceptance of strengths and weaknesses, and even pre-marriage financial counselling pave the way for a successful union.

Know more about the top money-related issues leading to divorce here.

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