Recently, Anna shared an Instagram post with Gabes. This post by @phoenix_blvck discussed the eight things couples need to do more in their romantic relationship in 2024, emphasising the importance of intentionality.

The post sparked inspiration for us. We thought it perfectly aligns with our #BigReset series, so we’re taking it as a challenge to be more intentional about the things we do in our relationship.

8 Ways to Be More Intentional as a Partner to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

Being the Safest Space for Your Romantic Partner

We always hear about safe spaces, but what does it truly mean in interpersonal relationships?

For us, a safe space is an atmosphere where we can feel entirely at ease. It’s a place where we can let loose, be our truest selves, and experience genuine love and acceptance.

We strive to become each other’s safest space.

But that’s easier said than done.

Truth be told, we haven’t been each other’s safest space in the past two years.

We haven’t been that excited to come home to each other lately.

Recently, Gabes has been short-tempered, making the household not much of a safe space for Anna.

And that’s what we hope to change this year.

We can begin the work by making it a habit to think about the other person first.

We ask ourselves, “What does my partner need when they get home from work? How can I be a place of rest and refuge for them?”

Gabes knows he needs to cultivate a level of self-awareness to understand how his behaviour makes Anna feel.

He acknowledges he has to be humble enough to take corrective measures if some things have to change.

We want to make home a place of refuge, one we’re both excited to return to after a long day.

We want it to be an environment where we’re both equipped and encouraged to face challenges and pursue our dreams.

When the world feels like it’s crumbling down, we want to know we can retreat safely to each other and find renewed strength.

Being each other’s safest space also means allowing each other to open up and become vulnerable.

We have to assure each other we’re each other’s sanctuary and actually show up for each other all the time, especially on our darkest days.

We also need to keep in mind that this isn’t just about the two of us anymore.

If we feel safe in our household, our kids will also feel safe.

We want Jere to grow up in an environment that makes him feel secure to be himself, let loose, break free, and fall apart when he has to.

We want him to grow up in a loving and trusting environment that lets him be, and that begins with the two of us.

Creating Romantic Relationship Glimmers

“Only dead fish goes with the flow.”

That’s been our mantra for years.

But in 2023, we became the dead fish.

This year, we have to make sure we keep the romance alive!

Sometimes, Anna would say, “I’m bored.”

It puts unnecessary pressure on Gabes, as if he has to entertain Anna whenever she’s bored.

The thing is, we can’t wait passively for things to happen. We can't wait for special occasions to enjoy and keep our romantic feelings alive.

If Anna wants to go out and have fun, she has to go for it, plan accordingly, and not wait for Gabes to take charge.

We have to take ownership of our joy and the things we want to do.

The fun takes much intentionality at first. Eventually, it’ll flow naturally even if activities are planned and not spontaneous.

Meanwhile, Gabes tends to be negative sometimes.

To be an intentional partner who cares about the other person's well-being, he has to be generous with his words to lift Anna and boost her self-esteem.

Kind words and compliments can help turn Anna's mood around when she’s having a not-so-great day.

Grand gestures like holidays and luxurious gifts aren’t always the answer in long-term relationships. They rarely are.

After all, certain limitations don’t make these things practical and feasible.

We believe romantic relationships thrive on small gestures, and subtle moments of joy and affirming appreciation.

Simple acts of kindness and service can keep any romantic relationship exciting and far from boring.

A random kiss or compliment may seem basic, but they're an expression of romantic love. And the impact of these acts can be quite profound in everyday life.

Paying More Attention to Your Romantic Partner

“We’ve grown apart.”

“We’re no longer on the same page.”

“Things aren’t the same way they used to be.”

These phrases are common among couples going through a rough patch or breaking up.

Many couples complain about the lack of physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, emotional connection, or romantic attraction in long-term romantic relationships.

Yet they’re partly responsible for the dying connection in their committed relationship. They’ve let time pass without checking in on their partners and intentionally growing together.

We definitely don’t want that to be us.

So, we have to prioritise and pay significant attention to each other.

We cant’ take each other for granted. We have to constantly show interest in each other.

Sure, we’re both patient and understanding.

But neglecting each other’s needs, although unintentional, can easily lead to us drifting apart.

Before Jere came into our lives, we used to have daily check-ins.

We’ve barely had enough time to do that in the past two years, but we’re changing that now.

We’re committed to making each other a priority.

Starting this year, we want to take a few minutes daily to check in with each other and ask simple but important questions to find out how each other’s doing.

We’re constantly growing as individuals, and the only way to keep up and ensure we're always on the same page is to check in with each other regularly.

The persons we are now aren’t the same persons we married seven years ago.

Sometimes, it feels like a new romantic relationship altogether because we’ve changed a lot since we started dating or got married.

But we refuse to go on different paths as we grow individually.

We won’t let changes create a divide between us.

We’re in this for the long haul, so we have to be intentional about constantly discovering each other.

We have to keep getting to know and loving each other as we become new versions of ourselves time and again.

Growing and relearning is a journey we have to go through as a couple.

Being Gentle

We’ve been in this long-term relationship for over a decade but we still seem to struggle a bit with vulnerability.

Sometimes, the vulnerability we share with each other is used to attack each other.

We’ve been childish, argumentative, aggressive, and defensive.

When either or both of us are frustrated, we could end up saying hurtful things to each other.

That doesn’t mean we’ll stop being vulnerable with each other and start putting up walls.

Instead, being aware of these things allows us to change for the better.

For Anna, it’s all about not letting anger and defensiveness be her initial response.

She knows she needs to ask for help instead of taking out her frustrations on Gabes.

During difficult times, Anna has to remind herself of the man she loves and his good heart.

Meanwhile, Gabes knows he has to be more understanding that when Anna asks for help, it’s not about him being inadequate. It’s simply Anna asking for the support she needs when times are tough.

Anna has also pointed out that Gabes tends to critique quickly rather than give words of affirmation.

Acknowledging how this could affect Anna negatively, Gabes endeavours to be more generous in giving praises and affirmation to create a more loving environment at home.

Less retaliation, more gentleness.

We both have to be intentional about the things we say and mindful about how we say things. More importantly, we really have to be kinder and more patient with each other.

This is how we cultivate softness and a sense of comfort in our marriage.

Upholding Respect

Yes, we share the same values.

However, as unique individuals, we don't necessarily share all the same traits. And we have distinct approaches and perspectives about certain things.

And these differences tend to lead to misunderstandings.

There are moments when we’re quick to dismiss each other’s ideas or talk over each other when we don’t see eye to eye.

When we display rudeness in our conversations, although unintentional, we’re actually showing a lack of respect for each other.

To change this and ensure we maintain a happy marriage, we have to remember that respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

We need to be more respectful of each other’s differences and opinions.

We need to make each other feel that we’re genuinely heard despite our differences.

We have to remember that at the end of the day, we have the same value system, and that’s what matters the most.

Laughing More

We do laugh a lot.

But admittedly, in 2023, we’ve laughed less than we used to.

Life definitely gets more serious as we age, but we can’t take ourselves too seriously.

We understand the need to loosen up and go with the flow sometimes.

We have a lot of responsibilities, but we should learn to let go sometimes and trust that God will provide.

Putting our faith in God’s provision will enable us to exchange more light-hearted banters and make each other laugh often.

To bring more fun into 2024, we aim to do more of the things we love doing together, such as vlogging.

Choosing to Grow Together

We're human beings who deeply care about personal development.

We strive to become the best versions of ourselves to serve our family well.

As individuals, we know we're constantly growing.

But that growth isn’t enough to sustain our romantic relationship.

Individual growth in all aspects of life is one thing.

In romantic relationships, growing together as a couple is also vital.

Back then, we had enough time to reflect together on our life events, and things happening to us and around us.

Since we don’t get to do that often now, we need to deliberately create moments to grow together.

That’s why we came up with “Marriage Mondays”, an avenue for us to spend quality time, converse deeply, and learn.

On Monday nights, we strive to finish work and put Jere to bed by a certain time so that we can engage in meaningful activities that spark discussions and allow us to reflect.

These learning activities could include reading the Bible or a book, or watching a sermon.

“Marriage Mondays” is our effort to grow together and prevent growing apart, which are keys to maintaining a healthy relationship.

Having Difficult Conversations

This is probably the one thing on this list we’re already so good at. Perhaps we might be too good at it.

We don’t shy away from difficult conversations.

When something’s wrong, we definitely speak up because we know well enough that unresolved issues deepen over time.

But because of our direct and heads-on approach, the discussions sometimes tend to become arguments that each of us feels we have to win.

So, we need to be wiser in handling difficult conversations.

We need to learn how to have difficult conversations without heightening tensions or putting a strain on our human connection.

We can’t add more fuel to the fire. We have to put out the flame without risking burning down the entire house.

We have to learn how to isolate the situation from the person to have fruitful discussions and avoid attacking or hurting each other.

We have to learn how to respectfully resolve conflict to navigate the issues wisely and arrive at the best conclusion possible.

The Bottomline

Intentionality plays a vital role in any healthy relationship.

We hope our perspective and plans to become more intentional romantic partners help you and your romantic relationship thrive in 2024. Find out more by watching the full video here.

How do you plan to nurture your romantic relationships and be more intentional about the things you do with your partner? We’d love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to comment below.

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